I WANNA BELIEVE you're CHECKING your TEXTS BUT your phONE IS pointed right at MY FACE AND I CAN HEAr your camera going off. JUST MAKE ME LOOK THIN, K? / by Dante Sacomani

Today I was at the Corner House in Minster when a man attacked his father at a table next to my table.

After we pulled the son off his almost strangled father (who had used a bottle of wine to bat away his son) I saw a shrimp tattooed on his arm with the words Not to scale written underneath it. He was also, unbelievably, wearing a T-shirt that said "Peeled Shrimp". 

It was clear everyone in the family was pissed about what had just gone down – but i took a minute to point out the T-shirt and ask what the hell was up with the shrimp tattoo. The son said he saw a movie one time where these two guys had a shrimp boat in Florida, and that in that movie a storm came and destroyed all the other boats. These two guys were the only two guys with a shrimp boat in Florida. 

I asked if it meant to him that opportunity comes when you're not expecting it or that others' misfortune is others' gain and he said whatno. It had once been a tattoo of his limp genitals but his girlfriend made him get it changed.