DUE TO MY LATEST GETTING PISSED OFF I WILL NO LONGER BE USING THE RED 100 EMOJI TO DESCRIBE THat moment WHEN THE DOMINOS COUPONS COME IN THE MAIL / by Dante Sacomani

If you enjoy the directorial works of Joachim Von Trier I recommend you watch Thelma because it is a nice story story of a young women torn between faith and desire. There's a man whose skin combusts into flames when exposed to oxygen so he must either choose to stay on the shore and burn or walk into the sea and drown. 

This week I was at the J.J. Foley's bar in downtown Boston asking a man behind the bar there if he liked sam adams boston lager for real or just because it is from boston and people get super weird about all the shit made in the cities they live in. He was a big man with a large beard wearing a neck tie with the logo of the New England Patriots printed all over it. He looked at me and said — both.

I told him that actually it was funny because i live near faversham in kent, uk and that’s where they brew all the sam adams boston lager sold in the uk – and if you drink it, the UK boston lager is actually much worse  than the US boston lager. i was saying this to make the man happy – to commune with him about boston lager so that maybe he would take me into his inner circle and come trust me more than he did his best friends.

I allowed myself to picture a future in which he and i played fantasy football in a big league, and travelled up and down the coasts eating oysters and making little notes in a pocket-sized notebook, rating for briny, fresh and shucked. it was beautiful and calm. we would walk and admire the milky purple sky over boston harbour wearing Brady jerseys while visiting key filming locations from our favorite film the boondock saints. 

Then he looked at me and i looked at him. the kitchen was closing in fifteen minutes he said so if i wanted food i had better order it now. also they ran out of the french onion soup during the lunch rush so now the soup of the day was mushroom.