waiting to become somebodys DAD so i can begin posting shit like "not all Sauces are mustards but all mustards are sauces.” / by Dante Sacomani

If you eavesdrop on two the strangers behind you on the 6:50 train from St. Pancras to Canterbury West you will overhear them saying things they are comfortable sharing with strangers.

If you go to a bar in Dublin on sunday and begin to break up with your girlfriend it is possible a stranger will eavesdrop on you and hear things you wish they hadn’t. If/when they might even interrupt to tell you breaking up is all wrong for you because they can see you love each other. They could even add that it’s useless to break up Sunday because “it will ruin the week ahead.” If this happens ask this person for his name then and there. If his name is Dell, he may a have a friend named Foz there too. If he does, expect them to be drunk. If they are drunk they will probably want to buy you rounds of Jamesons — they will call them Jamies — these, unlike their opinions, you can accept. Foz will be a jeweler and will try to sell you rings to rekindle your romance. Dell will say he works at Paddypower and apologize for it in a sort of funny way. (You will laugh even though it will sound rehearsed.)

Laughing now, you will realize you and your girlfriend are having fun together for the first time in a very long time. It feels like the old times! You will think in your head. You will forget why you wanted to break up. You will silently pledge to love her for a million more years. You will imagine tying one end of a rope around your neck and the other end around her leg. You will imagine laying prone on the floor as she drags the rope around the house. First she will drag you into the kitchen, then upstairs to the bedroom. You will imagine having to treat rug burns. Then you will imagine surgically replacing her lips with yours.

Back in the bar someone will hand you a beer. Drop it on the floor so the glass shatters and the beer gets on everyone’s shoes. When that’s done, look down at the broken glass and think about of the fragility of certain things in relation to other things. Consider durability, structure and all the affairs you are concealing. It’s okay to remark that some things — once broken — are fucked beyond repair, while other things — rubber, cotton, human faces — can get hit hard and be fine. While remarking, you may be handed (and drink) another jamie.

Now you will wake up single and alone in a hotel room. You will feel lost in this hotel. And you will not remember how you got there. In the lobby, the breakfast buffet will cost £12.99. Inside, they will be playing a song by Townes Van Zant and you will find it impossible not to find its lyrics applicable. You will sit down and look at the buffet. There will be a man behind a counter. He will be paid to serve you breakfast foods. He will have a tattoo on his neck. You will see it. It will say ‘unbreakable’.